The top ten cars to get you laid in 2009

We enter 2009 with the global financial landscape in ruin, and the environment pretty much in similar condition. Priorities are different, and people are concerned with things that weren't even periphery concerns just five years ago. Suddenly it's sexy to be shrewd with money and nice to the earth. And there is no better way to prove how sexy you are than driving a sexy car.

But what's sexy now? Certainly not anything ostentatious or obscenely expensive. Certainly not a douchey H2 rolling on 22s. Today a sexy car is practical and green. With this in mind, we here at The Lit Department have painstakingly assembled a list of the top ten cars that will show off your sexiness and surely get you laid in 2009 and beyond.

10. 2009 Honda Fit

This funky looking little spark plug of an import manages 33 mpg on the highway and starts at just $14,750. Its 117 horsepower engine might not rumble the nether regions of a passersby, but the Honda Fit’s practicality oozes sex appeal (it’s even a hatchback, rock on).

9. 2009 Ford Escape Hybrid / Mercury Mariner Hybrid

There may not be a less sexy phrase than Ford Motor Company thanks to a recent history of shitty cars; however, Ford is surviving the current economic downturn without taxpayer bailout money, and that makes them alright in my book. The Ford Escape manages 34 mpg in the city and is the only vehicle on this list useful for hiding a body or moving furniture. Unfortunately, the Escape starts just shy of $30,000.

8. 2009 Camry Hybrid

Nothing is sexier than being sexy without trying to be sexy, and the Camry hasn't tried since its introduction in 1982. It's reliable, it's roomy, and projects so much common sense that others may ask for advice on restructuring a failing mortgage. It get about 33 mpg around town and starts around $26,000. Plus the Camry's safety ratings are excellent, allowing one to more safely engage in highway nookie shenanigans.

7. 2009 Prius Hybrid

Some may be surprised that this isn't the top dog on our list, especially with its outstanding mileage numbers (45/48 mpg) and pseudo-reasonable price (around $22,000). This is one ugly car though, and practicality can only go so far. Plus, the rear seat is useless to anyone six feet or taller thanks to the sloping roof design. Still, the Prius is a solid contender, even if it tends to project smugness a little more than sexiness.

6. 2009 MINI Cooper

First off, this thing is a crackerjack of car. It's a hell of a lot of fun to drive and goes around corners like it's on rails. It's cheaper than the Prius by a few grand, and still gets 37 mpg on the highway. Add classic MINI styling and some German engineering (it's made by BMW) and you've got a fuel efficient car that's fun to drive, fuel-efficient, and cool to look at. This makes the MINI Cooper a sexy little beast. Rawr.

5. 2009 Civic Hybrid

A Civic? Sexy? Well, sort of. First, there are the vital statistics: 45 mpg highway, 41 mpg city, base price around $23,000. More importantly, Yahoo! (in consultation with Environmental Defense) gave the Civic Hybrid its highest rating for environmental friendliness. If you peek at those ratings, you'll notice the Prius got the same high rating, but the Civic Hybrid prevails because it's made by Honda, a company that was named the most eco-friendly of all U.S. car manufactures by the UCS, or Union of Concerned Scientists. Just how concerned? We don't know, but it's a good bet you will get far more tail than the UCS in this super-green and reliable Civic.

4. 2009 VW Jetta TDi

Speaking of German engineering, the Jetta TDi is a damn cool ride. This Jetta's clean diesel four-cylinder engine delivers 41 mpg on the highway, while also producing a zippy (and not in the way a Prius is "zippy") 140 horsepower. This means the new TDi can go from zero to sixty miles per hour in under nine seconds. It's the first automobile to meet the world’s most stringent emission control standards, California’s Tier II, Bin 5 (no, we have no idea what that means either). At just under $22,000, the TDi is a better buy than any hybrid on the road. Plus, it's a chic looking car, especially when compared to the goofy Prius, or the the quirky MINI. It's eco-friendly, it's cool, and it's sure to save you enough money on gas to afford some sexy underwear.

3. Walking

You want to be eco-friendly don't you? Then why not move to where you can walk to your job? Better yet, quit your job and start writing anti-pollution poetry in iambic pentameter while you mulch yesterday's leftovers in a handcrafted bin made of organically grown hemp fibers. No, on second thought, don't do that. That would almost be as douchey as rolling in a H2 with 22s on it. But keep walking, because that's sexy. You'll lose weight, reduce you carbon footprint, and get more opportunities to smile at attractive strangers you pass on the sidewalk.

2. Riding a bike

Walking is great and everything, but sometimes you don't have all afternoon to get across town. Plus, you get the chance to plaster your bike frame with band stickers and carry a messenger bag covered in Green Peace and Sierra Club buttons. And it's fun. People forget how much fun it is to ride a bike. It's like going back to being seven and cruising around the neighborhood with a baseball card flip-flip-flipping on the rear wheel, or pink tassels dancing in the wind.

1. Taking the subway

Nothing says sexy in 2009 like mass transportation. If you're taking mass transportation it means you most likely live in a city that cares about civic infrastructure, and that means you're somewhere cosmopolitan and relatively progressive. You're in a cultural hub filled with art, restaurants, museums, and the tangible electric buzz of human life all around you. That is being alive. That is eco-friendly. That is sexy. And that will get you laid.