An election season glossary

Since this is purportedly an arts & entertainment blog, I’ve decided to take a literary slant to my political rants. So, here you are… a current events glossary

clean coal (noun) as oxymoronic as it sounds. See this recent Slate article for the most informative explanation I’ve seen.

hockey moms (plural noun) the Alaskan equivalent of soccer moms, only replace the minivan with a giant SUV, and the starbucks latte with a shotgun. Affinity for pit bulls. And lipstick.

gotcha journalism (noun) an attempt to ask straightforward questions and get straightforward answers, apparently.

Joe Sixpack (noun) an insult masked as a rallying cry for Middle America. An attempt to lure tired, working class, beer drinking American men to vote for the pretty lady in November. Often married to Hockey Moms.

Main Street (noun) in media terms, the “real world,” i.e. not Wall Street. But more popularly, anywhere in Middle America where common sense loses out to fear-mongering, libelous calls to arms. There is a Main Street in my town, but judging from the Obama lawn signs adorning it, it doesn’t count.

maverick (noun) a word that used to bring to mind pre-Scientology, Navy-hot Tom Cruise in his flight suit. Now, a substitute for offering a substantive answer at debates or in interviews. Usage: “What do you plan to do about the economy?” “We’re gonna bring our maverick ways to Washington and do mavericky things, cause we’re a coupla’ mavericks, gosh darn it!”

middle class (noun) apparently, suckers tricked into thinking the GOP is looking out for them (or even better, that GOP politicians are actually a part of the middle class), only to suffer the greatest at the hands of their failed policies.

time-line (noun) traditionally, a plan with dates and times in mind. New usage attempts to falsely suggest the word is synonymous with an admission of failure or surrender.