So, I have a confession. I LOL. And use smiley faces (but only of the colon/open parens variety; anything else is just silly). And I do it often. But, I also judge people who do this. Because LOL is not a word, and it’s lazy and it sounds ridiculous coming from a thirty-year old woman. So I never LOL with someone I’ve just met. Because if I can be so hypocritically judgmental about it, heaven forbid anyone else judge my LOLing.I only LOL with friends who know me well. People who are past the point of judging me. Well, at least, people who have witnessed me do so many other embarrassing/lame/evil/dumb things over the course of my lifetime, that a LOL every now and then is insignificant in the grander scale of things to judge me about. Because while LOL is dumb and lazy, it’s also super convenient. It says: that was funny, I am laughing (probably on the inside) now. Hurray.
So, enter new relationship with someone, someone who texts me funny things. I want to LOL. I want to let them know I agree about the funny. But… I don’t want them to think I’m a LOLer. Not *that* kind of LOLer (think: tween girl in pigtails who says things like UR A QT). So, now, I am constantly baffled by how to respond to funny texts. Or worst yet, sarcastic texts. How do I let them know that I know that they are being sarcastic? This is killer. I don’t want them thinking that I’m a tween LOLer, but GOD FORBID they think I don’t get sarcasm. I love sarcasm. Me and sarcasm are best friends, friends with benefits even.
So, I usually just stare at my cell phone willing my hands NOT TO LOL. But, they so want to. Instead, I sometimes use Hahaha. It’s okay, kind of stilted. At least is a word (sort of...well, ok: it’s a sound, but it’s an actual sound) and is showing rather than telling (that was for you Prof. Byrd, creative writing teacher from hell). Or, there is the option of saying something equally or more funny in return. But that’s hard. And it requires that I wore my funny pants that morning, and have had enough caffeine, and that my brain will deliver the requisite amount of funny. If the text was already a funny response to a funny text I sent earlier, than I can fall back on touché. But my text software on my crappy phone doesn’t do the accent above the E, and someone recently informed me that touche (sans accent) means something else (arguably provocative) and so now then I worry that I am again being grammatically incorrect (or potentially suggestive). So if the recipient actually speaks French, touché is out.
About now is when my brain gives up—can’t take the pressure. So, I just don’t respond. Or I change the subject. And take the chance that the person on the other end of the texting either a) is hurt that I did not give the funny it’s appropriate fanfare, b) thinks I’m a droll, humorless being, or c) does not give a shit because who put this much thought into their stupid text messages.
Lesson? I guess don’t judge the judicious use of LOL. Because I only use it when I really mean: hey, if that was a line in a movie that I was watching in a theater, I probably would have laughed out loud.



